Gerald Walsh - An Atlantic Canada Leader in Executive Search, Career Transition, Executive Coaching and Human Resources

Assertiveness: An Essential Workplace Skill

Have you ever said 'yes' when you really wanted to say 'no'? Have you ever wished you had stood your ground instead of giving in? Have you ever decided to go with the flow although you disagreed with the action being taken?

Well, if you have, you're hardly alone.

Many managers and professionals suffer from lack of assertiveness. Despite their credentials, incomes, and titles, these individuals still find it difficult to express their true feelings and opinions in a constructive way to others.

Failing to speak up when you should, can lead to unhealthy outcomes. Let me give you an example of how Peter, a past executive coaching client of mine, dealt with his lack of assertiveness.

(While this story is based on accurate facts and situations, the identity of 'Peter' has been fictionalized to protect his privacy.)

The situation

Peter, 38, owns and operates a busy physiotherapy clinic. By all external measures of success, Peter stood out. Financially, he earned a more-than-comfortable living. Personally, he was happily married with a young daughter doing well in school. Professionally, his peers and customers held him in high regard and many considered him to be the best in his field. Healthy and fit, Peter had completed several long-distance races over the previous two years. His business was thriving with a steady stream of new customer referrals and an exceptionally high customer retention rate, unusual for this industry.

But in his heart Peter was dissatisfied, constantly feeling he wasn't accomplishing his purpose in life. He knew that his own health and wellness must remain a priority. Running a physiotherapy clinic was a physical activity and it concerned him that any serious personal health problems could mean an end to his business. Likewise, he wanted to spend more time with his family and friends, something that was getting more difficult to do.

When we explored this dilemma further, we quickly concluded that what prevented Peter from engaging in more relaxation, exercise and family activities, was lack of time. Peter calculated that in the prior twelve months, he had only taken off 59 days; he had worked an average of six days a week for the entire year. And, his days were usually twelve-hour days, at least.

Suffering from lack of time is not uncommon. Usually it is related to poor planning and organizational skills. But in Peter's case, what really caused the lack of time was his inability to say 'no' to customers. For example, Peter would frequently receive a call from a customer requesting an urgent appointment. But rather than booking this customer in the next available time slot, Peter would typically respond, "Well, I finish at 7:00 tonight. Come on by then and I'll look after you."

As soon as this happened, which it often did, Peter felt conflicted. On one hand, he had a satisfied customer and this pleased him a lot. (Peter's father had drilled into him that you take work when you can get it, no matter what the cost.) On the other hand, he knew he was sacrificing his family and personal time by staying late which made him feel very guilty. This conflict bothered him immensely and he knew he needed to change his approach.

As we reflected on his dilemma, it became clear that it really was his lack of assertiveness - specifically his inability to say 'no' - that was creating the conflict in his life. But he also acknowledged that changing his behaviour and building the confidence to be more assertive would be difficult.

The plan

Determined to tackle this problem, Peter committed to four strategies:

First, he decided to practice his assertiveness skills in environments outside of work. For example, he resolved to voice his discontent if he was ever served a restaurant meal that was not prepared to his satisfaction. Never before in his entire life had Peter returned a meal in a restaurant! When I asked him why, his response was that he did not want to risk offending the cook. So extreme was this fear that one time he was served chicken, when he had ordered salmon, but could not return the meal. He began to practice. The first item he sent back was a cup of tea that wasn't hot enough. Then he sent back a meal that hadn't been fully cooked. Peter was able to build confidence gradually through situations outside of work and planned to transfer this confidence to work-related situations.

Second, Peter began to visualize himself saying no to clients over the phone, which he felt would be easier than delivering that same message face-to-face. Peter had used the practice of visualization in his marathon training so he was able to picture himself turning down clients by rehearsing what he would say when a client called seeking an urgent appointment. In addition to wisely selecting the words he would use, Peter also paid attention to the tone, volume and speed of his voice, knowing that these characteristics could influence the message he was putting forth. To further bolster his confidence, Peter also installed a motivational sign beside his phone that said simply, "That doesn't work for me" - a reminder that it's okay to say no.

Third, Peter cautiously implemented a modest price increase to partially offset his anticipated decline in clients. This was the first price increase he'd made in over five years, again because of his fear of offending clients - a fear he now knew was baseless. Since his competitors were charging fees that were greater than his, he concluded he probably wouldn't lose any customers. Mentally, he knew his customers received great value for their money and he was able to get his emotions in line with this logic.

Finally, and perhaps most importantly, Peter began to focus on the cost of not being assertive. In his words, "I created massive pain for myself and my family by not reducing my hours. Because of the resulting stress, I also risked shortening my life. It took me some time to come to this realization but in the end concluded that working the hours I did simply wasn't worth it." Often, people do not change their behaviour until they face an imminent crisis or threat. Perhaps Peter had reached that stage.

The payoff

A short time ago I received a note from Peter saying that his revenue for last year was up 14% while working an average of 20 hours less per month. His new-found assertiveness and his ability to say 'no' had paid off. As he put it, "I grew to be okay with reducing my customer base, that my prices and my hours were not my heart and soul, and that it wasn't personal. It was just a line in the sand I had to draw - finally."

He went on to say, "I've discovered there is an after effect as well. I learned that when you tackle things and succeed, you gain momentum. And, that is the key. Being able to have the confidence to confront other aspects of your life with evidence that it will be okay, and the world will not end, is very powerful."

Gerald Walsh, CMA, is the President and Founder of Gerald Walsh Associates Inc., an executive search, career transition and executive coaching firm.

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